"Open the eyes of my heart Lord and remove any scales that have clouded my understanding. Please help me to see as You see..."
A situation that arose in my life was the starting point for the above prayer and some serious reflection. As I meditated and prayed in the Spirit over the space of the next 3 days, slowly the Holy Spirit gently peeled back the layers of deception that the enemy had spent years effectively and very subtly putting into place.
Layer upon layer revealed more and more how I had gradually pulled back from people. Why? I was tired, I felt overwhelmed, I felt more secure and safe by myself. Did I recognize this as it was happening? Not really. It's an underlying reasoning that you don't acknowledge to yourself or others.
Was this a problem? Yes! Yes! Yes!
Considering the fact that the way that God had wired me and created me was to help others by speaking into their lives. I was there to encourage, inspire and help others see further, to reach further and go further then ever before.
I had spent my life being the one who planned events, occasions and excursions...bringing people together and now all I wanted was to be left alone...no responsibility, no effort...just alone...in my neat and tidy house...no extra work.
My creativity slowly died...everything was too much effort.
Oh goodness, when I look at it now, in it's full light...I am (for want of a better word) horrified at the very subtle way the enemy was able to steal away my life, my purpose, my vision, my joy and my strength. I am extremely grateful for the gentle chastening of the Lord to bring correction and thereby restoration.
How did it start?
My husband and best friend, walked out on our marriage 14 years before he walked out physically. I withdrew into the safety of the Lord, which was the right thing to do. The joint ministry that he and I had, died as the marriage died. My whole purpose...lost and gone.
My focus shifted completely to raising my daughter, a wonderful source of joy in the midst of everything.
In those years of raising Tammy, God gave me a new purpose. I spent years contributing my time, my skills, my energy and life improving everything she was a part of.
Finally, she graduated from university and left to teach and live in Thailand.
I was alone, completely alone...my husband was gone, my child was gone, my parents had died, my parents in law, whom I loved, had died.
I just withdrew...I needed time alone to become OK with being alone...which happened...I was OK with being alone...I preferred being alone. The cycle was complete...the enemy had effectively stopped me.
All that remained was a passion to teach the Word of God...thank God for that.
So...here I am now...standing in the lamplight of this revelation...and His love and His light are drawing me forward once more.
Revival has come to this "house"...thank You Father, for bringing the chastening that I needed.
What has been an absolute revelation to me, is how subtle the devil is...it has caused me to ask the Lord to reveal any other areas that I might be deceived or held captive in any way.
I would rather be chastened now, then find out in retrospect that I had not fulfilled what God had called me to.
Have a blessed and wonderful week, precious ones!
From my heart to yours,
xxx
Sylvia
